You've got to hand it to the Tv people.
Every year, it's Chinese New Year.
Just like every year it's feeding the homeless on Christmas Eve, the hottest day ever, the coldest day ever, the guy who came third in big brother.
The same rentaquote bloke.
The same school's A-level pupils celebrating their best ever year.
The same people complaining about the same busy road.
The same fashions
The same cute animals in the zoo, conceiving or not.
The same pets doing the same schtick.

A man who is tired of the local news is tired of life.
John,7, said: "I liked the men dressed as lions moving about."

Happy New Year. You dogs.

More football, so if you don't want to know the score look away now.
In fact you won't get much of a match report on account of me having to go to Tesco and miss all but the last five minutes.
However I did see:

Richard injured...

A controversial free kick that should have been a penalty - you'll see from the replay that it's clearly in the area.

My particular Youth about to put the last chance of the game over the bar.

Some hand-shaking - but no shirt swapping, on account of it being brand new this week kit and very swish too.

The customary warm down and swigging from plastic bottles.

Match Report: A game of two halves. Wigston won the first half; St Joseph's won the second. 2-2. Well done all.

Normal service will resume later.
3 more photos here:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/53802212@N00/sets/72057594053731550/

Stolen from Life's Lessons, who stole it from who stole it from.

I was thinking of asking Wulfweard the White about the recycling business, but I don't fancy it much full time.

Apart from that, not a thought in my head. I enjoyed FA cup round 4 and now I'm not enjoying Fed 4 Bag 4.

That's all 4 now. Woof Woof Woof Woof!

I don't know why, though.
I cleaned the aquatic rascal out last weeked, lovingly washed all his gravel, scrubbed his tiny bridge (too small to go under and therefore ultimately pointless) with a toothbrush, massaged the plastic leaves of his "plant" that we all know is not a plant (even the fish knows that and he's a fish, you know, they're not brainy), in short all the joyous things that parents do around the house as a substitute for a social life...it'll hit you one day, you fun-loving singletons in your bars and your nightclubs...sorry, going off topic...hang on.

Yeah, last weekend I cleaned the fish out. We've had it for ages, my eldest son, when he was tiny and cute, called him "Swimmy" when he first arrived as company for "Pinky" after "Popeye" died, and now my eldest is 15 and by definition is not cute ...come on guys, bear with me...and I look after him. The fish. The lad can look after...actually, stop right there, that's another blog entirely...

Thing is, the fish is leaking. Not the fish. But all the water is going. Look at the water level. That was full last weekend!Where's all the water now?
My first suspicion was that the fish was just extra thirsty and was drinking it all. Perhaps he's turned into a lush in his old age, like me. But then when I got up one morning and noticed the phone floating across the worktop, I realised there was a leak. So, how come?
Possible current theories:
Fish has released its inner shark and bit a hole in the side of the tank.
Fish has released its inner narwhal and has pierced side of tank with horn.
Fish banked too sharply and sliced side of tank with razor-sharp fantail.

Look at the gloomy gills on him!
Look at the tell tale sliver of water glinting invitingly, waiting for me to mop it up again.

So, in the week in which I was complimented for my punnery (thanks mikeyboy, and likewise)all you have to do is to post a fish pun in response to this thread. You'll have to get your skate on. You win a free plug for your blog. It's a really good free plug. Small and black. I found it in the fish tank.

Oh I kill myself sometimes.

Go on - you know you love it.
Park football - unbeatable.

Kirby Muxloe launch an attack- hit the post, as it goes.

I'm momentarily distracted by what looks like a cross between a railway carriage and a shed load of mobile homes on the A46 going into the M1 I think.

The subs bench is rather unconventional, but my lad is definitely on it.

The linesman is, how shall we put this, partial.But no more than usual. And he's not keen on me filming him either, on account of most of the oppostion being coppers apparently.

The opposition keeper commands his area.

Well actually he's just let a speculative free kick from Tom L squirm under his body for the opener.

Which leads to Wigston celebrating their first goal.

Fantasic touch line stuff: "Let the ball do the work" for one. Their coach is particularly good value, questioning every decision: "He'll need more than a talking to" and "How about a drop ball there ref."

Nathan drives home a ball in a goal mouth scramble early in the second half. With fifteen minutes to go Wigston go for the three subs strategy.

Kirby pressure builds - keeper saving down by the post.

Substitutions pay off and after a ball through from Joe S, Richard makes it safe. The celebrations are unrestrained!

Not often you get to sit in in the post-match de-brief, but I can exclusively reveal it went something like this:
"I've got one word to say to you and it's: well done. You did well today because you decided to work, work, work, work. That's what team work is all about."

I bought two jackets yesterday and wore them both. Cold.
Kiby Muxloe 0 Wigston Youth 3
Attendance: about 27; I didn't really count.
Special thanks to the woman who decided I wasn't a paedophile and asked all the oppostion parents if it was ok for me to take photos.

I started this blog because I was a bit frustrated by Leicestershires'a lack of interest in www.morelearning.org.uk
- a website I had to set up myself because it didn't exist. It didn't quite turn out like that, but this morning I'm going back to my roots.

www.morelearning.org.uk is a good idea. I try to hold on to that.

Features that make it a good idea:
1-It allows colleagues across the county to make quick contact and share ideas/ gripes / questions
2-The "Recommended" thread under each subject area allows you to add a recommended website so that others can click straight through to it.
3-You can focus on subject area, key stage or location - so you don't have to wade through unnecessary stuff.

However, at present it's poorly-executed. One reason is that I don't think it's on the right platform - I started it on a free board to experiment, and now I'm paying for removal of ads and extra features but not sure it's quite what I want. But I don't think I want to pay any more out of my own pocket for it.
Plus I don't know if it's a great use of my free time when input from people at County Hall and the LEA has been less than encouraging. I don't think it would work if it had to play a party line, so I'll probably keep it indepoendent, but if it's not promoted then it won't flourish.
It needs an overhaul - but the question is: is it worth the trouble?
I'd be interested in your views.
Sorry for boring you. Normal service will resume soon!

Not up to speed yet, but moved by this Plough lane pic from the excellent website from beesbeesbees.

Milton Keynes Anyone?

beesbeesbees [Member]
http://www.footballgroundz.co.uk
2006-01-20 @ 00:03

Letters Page

Fear of Mistakes

I noted in a Mercury review of the Philarmonia concert that Mussorgsky had a "fear of consciousness". This may explain his notorious drunkenness.

Stephen Gamble, Syston

Footnote: It should have read "sphere of consciousness".

That's for Jon.

I'd just like to thank The Bell in Wigston for:

Serving me a decent pint of Guinness
Having a lively conversation without involving me in it.
Playing some obscure music loudly enough to count, including what I think was a Midnight Oil track I'd forgotten completely
Giving me time to myself yesterday afternoon when I needed an escape route from a jolly kids party.
Other than that, I'm morose and leaving you for a bit...

Came over all ranty this morning so I uncoupled the caravan and let it go!

http://www.blog.co.uk/index.php/caravan

At a macro level, there are clear decisions: Simply Red and Simple Minds produced much that was shite; The Fall are mighty. But lest we decide to pursue this to its logical extremes, here are HMHB:

Give me Love, give me Can, give me Meatloaf.
Give me Rush, give me Marquee Moon
Michael Ball or The Fall, I could listen to them all
In the twilight or the afternoon
Irk the purists
Irk the purists
Irk the purists it's a right good laugh
Irk the purists
Irk the purists
Irk the purists in the bath

Irk the purists
Irk the purists
Come on boy, you know it feels so right
Irk the purists
Irk the purists
Irk the purists tonight

Husker Du Du Du to the tune (?) of Agadoo: one of those moments that makes me love them!

http://caravan.blog.co.uk

Posted there tonight.

Bit parky, in't it?

It' s gettin' on fer midnight, so let's just bleed the teemin' brain before bed.

Busy day. After a morning's teaching, I had to do lunch duty while it was peeing down, with the consequence that the kids were a bit stir crazy. No major incidents but it's a bit exhausting trying to clamp down on stuff before it happens. Did have a bit of a ruckus with a young girl who was using an umbrella handle as a weapon. In the middle of breaking that up, my mobile rang. I waited until duty had finished and I had a plate of food in front of me before I rang back, which meant that I had just ten minutes to do what I could to improve the draft obituary they'd come up with.

This lead to my most wobbly moment by far, but only because colleagues chose this momemt to a) Wonder whether I wanted to take my coat off (Look, only my mother is allowed to do that, and she's dead) and b) complain that someone had stolen their parking space (yep, that was me - I noticed you'd sneaked out at lunchtime, so I dived in while I had the chance) and that it is crap working here (see that wooden thing with a handle?).

Bus duty was cold wet and miserable too, but I did manage to get home for 30 minutes before having to get out again to teach GCSE.

30 minutes of commute not good - especially since my radio hasn't recovered from being without a battery before Christmas. In the absence of mundane chat and rock music I'm inclined to periods of introspection that are not healthy, so I was grateful for my LifeDrive PDA which was able to provide a playlist that included some Half-Man Half-Biscuit, some Mighty Fall, and Coldplay. And in case that last choice irks the purists, I have to say that "Fix You" is the song most likely to send me over the edge at the moment.

Spent half an hour afterwards in the college bar, reflecting as I did so that it is probably the nearest I have to a "local" - which will depress me if I think about it any more, despite the entertaing chat with Michelle and Nic.

Reached Asda by 9:55, leaving time to pick up some milk and an Ian Dury compilation for under a fiver. I decided I needed to hear "Sweet Gene Vincent" without dely. I'm thinking about verses involving death, and I'll post some on "Omnibus" later. Also, in a moment of extreme profligacy, blundered into the reduced items rack and lahed out 12p on a pasty, 12p on a dip and 7p on a green (read "brown" ) salad.

Other random thoughts:
* Creme Eggs are back. Their latest advertising campaign ("Goo to be back") recalls "Lost Consonants" - any submissions?
* Paedophile gets job as PE teacher story. No reflections on the case itself, other than to say my CRB police check came back with my surname spelt wrongly. However I do think rozzers involved in paedophile cases should avoid old style police talk . I swear I heard a plod on the radio talking about having fingered the suspect. No. Please no.
* Also in Asda: a bottle of cheap whisky and 1 1/2 litres of cheap coke (a cola). Typing this is stopping me from necking it all, so thank you blogging for saving my life. Don't want to succumb to the English disease of quoting entire comedy sketches at you, but it looks like I chose the wrong week to give up sniffin' glue.

Wrong computer so few pictures. This'll do

1960

2005

Glanced a fieldmouse sneaking under my bookcase, so I coaxed it into a tupperware container. It was a beautiful creature: delicate feet, a tiny open face and a sleek tail. I released it into the woods. Some urged more extreme measures, but there has been enough death today. My mother died this morning.

If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal

See below: nocturnal child made me post twice.

Posting e-mail attachments:how lame is that?
In my defence:
* It's 6am, child! Why won't you sleep?
* There is amusement aplenty here.

>>> > Peter Kay Gags
>>> >
>>> > I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up
>>> > to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.
>>> >
>>> > Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire
>>> > in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't
>>
>>> > have your kayak and heat it.
>>> >
>>> > So I said "Do you want a game of Darts?", he said "OK then", I said
>>
>>> > "Nearest to bull starts". He said "Baa", I said "Moo", he said
>>> > "You're closest".
>>> >
>>> > You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out
>>> > the night before and shoot the fox.
>>> >
>>> > The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her
>>> > up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
>>> >
>>> > So I went down the local supermarket, I said "I want to make
>>> > complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it", he said "Those are
>>> > pickled onions".
>>> >
>>> > I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah, I thought "he's trying to
>>> > pull a fast one".
>>> >
>>> > So I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said
>>> > "Eurostar?".I said "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
>>> >
>>> > So I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the
>>> > splits?". He said "How flexible are you?". I said "I can't make
>>> > Tuesdays".
>>> >
>>> > But I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to
>>> > pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.
>>> >
>>> > So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants, it
>>> > was Wedgie Kray.
>>> >
>>> > So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with
>>> > a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds". I said
>>> > "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
>>> >
>>> > But I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered
>>> > competition and I won a years supply of Marmite......... one jar.
>>> >
>>> > So this bloke says to me, "Can I come in your house and talk about
>>> > your carpets?". I thought "That's all I need, a Je-oover's
>>> > witness".
>>> >
>>> > You see my next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a
>>> > catholic converter.
>>> >
>>> > So I rang up British Telecom, I said "I want to report a nuisance
>>> > caller", he said "Not you again".
>>> >
>>> > So I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion)
>>> > and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me
>>> > the salt.
>>> >
>>> > He said "You remind me of a pepper-pot", I said "I'll take that as
>>> > a condiment".
>>> >
>>> > Now did you know all male tennis players are witches, for example
>>> > Goran, even he's a witch.
>>> >
>>> > And I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,
>>> > he's bisatchel.
>>> >
>>> > So I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a
>>> > barcode. I said "Are you two an item?".
>>> >
>>> > So a lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a train-load of terrapins,
>>> > I thought "That's a turtle disaster".
>>> >
>>> > Four fonts walk into a bar The barman says "Oi - get out! We don't
>>> > want your type in here"
>>> >
>>> > A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but
>>> > don't start anything"
>>> >
>>> > A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, "Is
>>
>>> > this some kind of joke?"
>>> >
>>> > A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't serve
>>> > food in here"
>>> >
>>> > Dyslexic man walks into a bra
>>> >
>>> > A seal walks into a club...
>>> >
>>> > A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and
>>> > says: "Pint please, and one for the road."
>>> >
>>> > A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides
>>> > up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my
>>> > paw."
>>> >
>>> > A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing
>>
>>> > in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After
>>> > about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to
>>
>>> > disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he
>>> > said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
>>> >
>>> > There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in
>>
>>> > ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would
>>
>>> > win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
>>> >
>>> > A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes
>>
>>> > to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a
>>> > family in Spain, they name him Juan". Years later, Juan sends a
>>> > picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she
>>> > tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.
>>> > Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan,
>>> > you've seen Amal."
>>> >
>>

Any of the Dirty Thirty out there? If it was up to me, you'd have been in the New Year's Honours list. But I guess you weren't, screwed up world that it is.

If you were Chantelle out of Kandy Floss, who would you be more freaked out by: Pete Burns or Dennis Rodman?

Welcome to the home for hopeless puns.

I just wanted to record, for reference, where I've put the Christmas tree. Senility, dementia or just plain forgetfulness will undoubtedly have set in by then. So, for the record, turn right at the single sixty watt bulb, past the empty video machine and tv boxes, round the crates of books, over the stairgate and into that murky corner above the bathroom.

Flash wouldn't work, so you'll be feeling your way in the dark.

If I'm reading this in December, have myself a merry little Christmas.

*laugh to scorn the power of man

* Be lion-mettled, proud, and take no care who chafes, who frets, or where conspirers are.

That's my advice anyway.

Other Resolutions:

* Going out is coming back in, so actually book tickets to gigs, theatre, cinema etc events rather than moaning about missing them.

* Feed the birds (let them know it's Christmas time)

* Stop being negative about work, if possible, and put effort into doing the right thing well rather than dwelling on the idleness and incompetence of others. And stop saying pompous, egotistical things like that.

* Sort out malfunctioning body parts, notably left foot and right leg.

* Cycle more

* Drink Less

* Please yourself

Happy New Year Again, Everybody. Remember to engage brain before filling in cheques. Does anyone write cheques anymore?
2005 - your time is up!