no time to craft this I've got stuff to do so you'll have to excuse the Joycean stream of consciousness nonsense but today wasn't as entertaining as yesterday when our head welcomed new staff to [insert name of school she left 3 years ago] rather than [insert name of school she is currently working in, if she can remember what with all that strategic planning (oops! delete! delete!)but I did get a bit more done on account of being called away for the afternoon to nurse sick two year old ( great cus i got to nurse him; less great that he was ill) only to be rollicked by former partner for stepping into former home to borrow some Calpol (fever medicine, singletons) despite me still paying the mortgage and failing to get updates subsequently (txt: is he better? Txt: is he worse? Txt: Is he the same? Txt: heloooooo?)so today highlight was probably getting new (second-hand; scrounged from skips posh upperschool next door ) desk and that successfully completing the challenge of getting a fookin big television (see post title) from Lol's house (THANX LOL) to my house via Kim's estate car (THANX KIM) and I've also renewed car insurance and set up two tellies and done a bit of forward planning and eaten all the pistachio nuts and sixpence will be home soon after her awkward meal assignment and i've even spoken to daughter on the fone (not that sh'e happy with me but at least she spoke) so when Mrs Tanner walks through the door that will complete what all in all has been a pretty good day all in all thanks for listening hope your day has been super dupree too!

no time to craft this I've got stuff to do so you'll have to excuse the Joycean stream of consciousness nonsense but today wasn't as entertaining as yesterday when our head welcomed new staff to [insert name of school she left 3 years ago] rather than [insert name of school she is currently working in, if she can remember what with all that strategic planning (oops! delete! delete!)but I did get a bit more done on account of being called away for the afternoon to nurse sick two year old ( great cus i got to nurse him; less great that he was ill) only to be rollicked by former partner for stepping into former home to borrow some Calpol (fever medicine, singletons) despite me still paying the mortgage and failing to get updates subsequently (txt: is he better? Txt: is he worse? Txt: Is he the same? Txt: heloooooo?)so today highlight was probably getting new (second-hand; scrounged from skips posh upperschool next door ) desk and that successfully completing the challenge of getting a fookin big television (see post title) from Lol's house (THANX LOL) to my house via Kim's estate car (THANX KIM) and I've also renewed car insurance and set up two tellies and done a bit of forward planning and eaten all the pistachio nuts and sixpence will be home soon after her awkward meal assignment and i've even spoken to daughter on the fone (not that sh'e happy with me but at least she spoke) so when Mrs Tanner walks through the door that will complete what all in all has been a pretty good day all in all thanks for listening hope your day has been super dupree too!

Well hi, guys, I'm Randy Learner and I'm the exchange student from the dear old u s of a.
I'm hoping to learn lots about your quaint customs, especially your soccer!

Yes, I am tired.
It'll be putting all those shelves up.

Went of the railway with wunderkind(er...?) yesterday, which was great, and not just cus we saw Harold the Helicopter. Also bought some kiddie toys at a carboot, took them home to play and ducked out of a wedding reception early cus I was gloomy/ keen to be back.

Sorry, Michelle. Make sure it's a long and happy one!

Ok. I'm a bad person. Because ON TOP OF EVERYTHING ELSE, when I was looking for a parking space in the city I might have accidentally scuffed the bumper of the car in front. And there might have been a similar scuff on my bumper. And maybe I should have had a close look and maybe even left a note on his windscreen, instead of getting back in the car and parking it somewhere else.

So, I've paid for an hour on the meter and I'm going to be later than that. I'm in Wilkinson's and the lady who works there has a real struggle understanding the CONCEPT of a sieve, let alone telling me where they are. The best she could do was a colander.And I finally struggle to the tills clutching (clutching isn't the word. I was struggling to keep these things even vaguely near me) a mopbucket, a mop, two doormats, a sink plunger, various items of toiletries and clothing, A SIEVE; of course as I reach its end I discover it's cash only and I haven't got any cash, so I have to queue again. And then I have to schlepp from one side of the big city to the other, trying my best not to decapitate people with an unmanageable mop, with the late summer heat causing me to sweat like the proverbial porcine pink thing, before parkie gets my car.

And then I get the Wilko's bag stuck in my fly zip.

"Are you having fun mate?" Well, yes. Thanks for asking.

Can life GET any more glamorous...

...than the Rochdale Canal?
Answers on a postcard to the usual address.

...and I apologise for its mysterious closure, which was due to traumatic family / relationship stuff that I'm not at liberty to...and don't want to either, to be honest, not yet amyway.
Thanks for your messages, enquiries and questions about whether it was safe to delete me fron the friends' list - you know, you've redefined friendship for me right there!

Woke up yesterday morning and there were tree fellers up a tree. All the cars had gone apart from mine, which was buried under a pile of leaves and branches.One of the fellers helped me clear it off with a leaf blower and claimed he had knocked on all the doors. He didn't knock on this one, and the tree is outside my window.

It's not my window, of course.

...possibly for quite some time.

I came to Amsterdam as a callow youth of 17 to join an international work camp - it was the Summer of 82 because I remember watching the World Cup Final when the Italians beat the Germans in a bar with two Germans, one of whom I really like and the other one I didn't like, not solely because he had started snogging the first one the previous day. And an Italian who I really liked, because he was a crazy Sampdoria fan who wrote messages in my notebook from Gramsci like "From the highest montains take up your tomahawk and fight" - I wonder if tomahawk was the right word there? And he wrote that in my eyes I had the fire of a rebel. This is heady stuff for a 17 yr old and we were both ecstatic at the end of the game and this post is not about football so moving on...
We were staying near Weesperplein metro station in a huge dance studio which I seem to remember being the home of the Dutch National ballet. It was just a huge, long room with a mirror and rail all the way down one wall and a record player at one end. I'm afraid the citizens of all nationalities must have wearied of me playing The Cure (17 seconds, A Forest, Where did it all go wrong Mr Smith?) and Lou Reed incessantly. It was a time of heat and colour and loud markets and snatched kisses and novelty and excitement and risk and one fantastic party up a metal staircase...
One morning I bunked off from digging out a cellar to take the tour of the Heineken brewery.
Yesterday I found myself unexpectedly cycling past it.
I found myself reflecting on where live takes you. Seventeen is a scary but hugely exciting age, the world a buzz and your place in it uncertain and undetermined - an incohate thrill/scare ride.
Then it hardens slowly.
I've missed that uncertainty. I want to discover stuff again- roll-ups, conversation, Schopanhauer (who?)
But I want to hold on to the best of the certainties.

I just had 20 minutes to myself!
Somebody call the police!!!!!!!!!

We lost our souls in the sea of all tranquility...

When God doesn't make you come.

Don't blame me - I'm just copying stuff off cafe windows!

Do you know what Americans call a signature?
Clue: They call a dead body a John Doe.
Bear with me on this...

Had three windows replaced by UVPC monsters. Actually they were replaced not by monsters but by two blokes, one of whom worked out that I used to teach his daughter. Anyway after the nice men had finished attacking the house with chain saws, power drills and jet engines [2 year old: "Airplane noise! No like!] I had to write a cheque for a sum so large it looked like I was taking the piss when I wrote "only" at the end. And when the fitter signed the invoice it became clear that he had the John Hancock John Hancock!

Answer: A John Hancock. In case you were wondering!

In other news, we'll be leaving the house at 4am tomorrow and spending a week on Tjalk in the middle of Amsterdam. Tjalk is Dutch for "Huge feckin barge" and it's been done up dead posh so it should be good. When I googled the name of the canal it's permanently moored on the first link took me to a map headed "RED LIGHT DISTRICT" so it looks like an ideal place for a family holiday. Pound for every time I get to say "Put your tongue back in" to the 16yr old. [Could I have phrased that more elegantly? No time to care! Gotta pack! Can't sit around bloggin all afternoon like some people I could mention, and will, later on!]

In other news, the feeling is mutual and maybe just maybe...

I'm sure most of you will cope without me for a week. And apparently the barge has a wireless point, so you might not have to. How cool is that?! And for those of you that think you can't, you can, and congratulations and a huge hug and don't forget yer pinny.

In other news, the 16yr old seems to be addicted to online poker. I suspect this is not good news. All for "fun" apparently...now where did I put my credit card?