...by Colin Naughton.

Six:

Me:

For the first time EVER, there will be TWO league clubs who remain unbeaten in this year's FA cup competition. Cleraly the winners will be one such, and Bury FC will be the other. Sadly we won't be able to improve on our average score in cup finals (it's 5; I might have mentioned this) nor will we win the competition without conceding a goal like we did in 1903. But we will remain proud and unbeaten.

All being well, I'm taking my 2 year old to his first match on Monday. I either break the habit of a lifetime and leave early or get in a row with his mum for being late back to the East Midlands. I haven't decided yet. Can't wait to see the maligned mighty Shakers and throw v signs at the FA...
Anyway, here is some nostalgia off my hard drive:

I suppose you had to be there (number 77):

Do you want stuffing?

I mean - I didn't know WHERE to look.

Voice in kitchen (for it is sixpence):
"I wish they'd put proper measurements on things! How am I supposed to know how big a large knob is?"

I don't know what else I'm supposed to do with material of this quality - apart from blogging it. So I have. Again.

* Not phnarr phnarr, pretentious tosspots at the Sunday Times

My brother, that is.
He goes on January 1st.
I've just set up a blog for him so he can communicate his progress.
Any messages of support or advice gratefully received at http://gontour07.blog.co.uk/
Thanks, y'all.

...a card. With a tree on it fashioned from a panscrubber.

Which is handy, as I've just received one. I'll post it for you later.

...a card. With a tree on in fashioned from a panscrubber.

Which is handy, as I've just received one. I'll post it for you later.

It don't mean nothing - but i bought The Essential Billy bragg for 50p at the weekend, and that's nearly as good value as the quid I spent on a disposable nappy when caught without in a museum. And this is a GREAT song!

You Woke Up My Neighbourhood

Me - thinking about job of sorting out bathroom -
"Have we any grout left?"
Her - thinking about other things -
"We had some last weekend but it's all been eaten"

So don't come for a sanwich round our house!

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Which File Extension are You?

http://www.tes.co.uk/blogs/blog.aspx?path=/Your%20Blog/&post=2313839

11 December 2006 at 09.15
How Not To Teach pt 12: Ofsted and the psychosis of failure

Teacher Mr Read, author of the book How Not To Teach, on why teachers should get together to stop Ofsted in its tracks

An incurable optimist who harboured the illusion that the new head of Ofsted, Christine Gilbert, would usher in a new era of peace, love and understanding would have been shattered by her presentation of Ofsted’s annual report. It inspired the grisly tabloid headlines that 40% of schools (including over half of secondary schools) are now deemed to be ‘inadequate’.

Previously those schools in special measures or serious weaknesses were judged to be failing. Now Ofsted in seeking to ‘raise the bar’ have combined them together with ‘satisfactory’ schools to create the new category of ‘inadequate’. So in Ofsted ‘newspeak’ satisfactory is the new rubbish. What does this do for the morale of dedicated teachers who spend their careers in tough schools with difficult classes? After all that investment of time, emotional and intellectual energy they’re branded as ‘inadequate’. The only way to escape this tag is to jump through the hoops, vault all the hurdles and negotiate the assault course of an Ofsted inspection and emerge as ‘good’ or ‘outstanding’.

Ofsted’s main judgement is by utilising crude test results, yet I know some ‘good’ or ‘outstanding’ schools that are dull, lifeless exam factories staffed by stressed-out automatons who could squeeze out any love of learning from the children who enter the school gates.

And just to prove that their relentless focus is on failure for ‘outstanding’ schools Ofsted has introduced a ‘light touch’ inspection. An early example of this was at William Allitt secondary school in Derbyshire where one inspector visited for one day and some of the lesson observations lasted for only ten minutes.

Ofsted rarely make any concessions to social context or deprivation. Research by the London School of Economics found that out of 180 schools deemed to be failing in 1999/2000, 90% were in disadvantaged communities. Schools in the leafy suburbs rarely, if ever, fail.

As the Local Education Authorities shrink into virtual invisibility and obscurity there is no outside agency to give continuing support to schools. We have the ‘falling off the cliffs’ scenario, where only spectacular failure will bring monetary investment or outside assistance.

Of course Ofsted claim that by giving some schools a good beating it helps to straighten them out – a similar argument was advanced for corporal punishment. However, the House of Commons Education Select Committee noted that failure could send schools into a spiral of decline. Some 43 schools judged to be in serious weakness in 2001/2 had declined further and were placed in special measures the following year. They noted that schools were, “unable to attract high-achieving pupils or well-qualified staff, making improvement more difficult.” Of those schools placed in special measures between 1995 and 1997, 40% subsequently closed.

It’s no surprise that hundreds of schools have to re-advertise or struggle to find a head teacher. Is there a sane person or anyone with an instinct for self-preservation or survival that would want to be a head teacher of a school in “challenging” circumstances?

Ofsted justify their inspections by claiming that they are ‘thorough’ and ‘rigorous’. But they completely failed to spot Bromley’s Imelda Marcos – Colleen McCabe. She embezzled £500,000 from St John Rigby College between 1994 and 1999. She spent the money on shoes, exotic holidays, cosmetics and a Crystal Palace season ticket. Yet 18 months after she began to use the school funds as a personal bank account Ofsted reported that McCabe provided “strong, sensitive and skilful leadership”. Financial planning was “good” and the auditor’s report was “excellent”.

Just to prove that this wasn’t an isolated example in 2006 the General Teaching Council found head teacher Mark Braine of Avon Valley School, Warwickshire guilty of unacceptable professional conduct and of abusing, bullying and humiliating staff between 1992 and 2005. However, an Ofsted report in 2004 was extremely complimentary about his leadership skills.

It’s a legitimate question to ask – how have Ofsted got away with it for so long? The paradox is that teaching is one of the most highly unionised professions – over 90% of teachers are members. Yet there has been a collective failure to deal with this 800 lb gorilla rampaging through our education system, trashing schools and demoralising teachers. Apart from passing the customary vacuous conference resolutions what have the leaders of the teachers’ unions actually done to stop Ofsted in its tracks? Answers on a postcard to Chris Keates, Mary Bousted and Steve Sinnott.

My secret santa bought me some gloves. To go with the socks, I guess. Hooray. Again.

Could one of you legal brains clarify the liabilty in cases where partons are:
* dancing on the floor
* dancing on the tables (crazy normal)
* dancing in the kitchens ("I'm sorry but you're not allowed back here")
* dancing in the gents (With a WOMAN*!)
* dancing in the local NCP* carpark?

In other words - we went out to Bistro Live and had a good to great time.

*Anticipates first comment- "I'm not just any woman! I'm Sixpence!"
Which is, of course, absolutely true. She IS quite a woman, though.

*By the way, NCP, if you ARE going to charge £8.80 for just over four hours in one of your crime-ridden concrete blocks, I'll be expecting, AT THE VERY LEAST, a full valet service, the bonnet buffed up to a glorious shine and hand relief in the stairwell on the way up. [Anticipates next comment. And asks her not to.]

Student (squinting at work on board from previous lesson):
"Who's Ebeneb Scroob?"

What a luscious experience!

Apparently someone gave it to Natalie as a Christmas present, but she doesn't like nuts!

Thanks to the gift of a Bob the Builder Mobile phone and access to an unfamiliar Amstrad home dialler, I now know how phone calls sound to two-tear-olds.
They ALL sound like this:

Hello
Oh
No
No
No
Ok
Bye

This may sound dull in print but it's unbearably cute in real life!

Thanks to your ineptitude, we were losing two nil at half time and ended up winning two nil.

Such glee when Alexander Gordon (who is NEVER wrong) confirmed that the second score was correct in the classified check.

UTS!

If you like Bonjela, the fast-acting gel for mouth ulcers (and who isn't? edit: doesn't) or if you're partial to stuff that is just RAVING MAD, you might enjoy this; Bonjela is my friend.
Last entry: I apply bonjela to my tongue in much the same way you would apply chapstick to your lips.

And now I MUST to do something with myself!

That choir guy off the telly.In his graduation picture.

Well, I was quite pleased with it...

Boy things.
Things boy said today.
And feck right off if you want entertaining cus i'm just entertaining meself cus he's gone now.

"Bang your head. Make me laugh."

Also:
sixpence- You've dribbled on my forehead!
boy - not forehead!
me - five head?
boy - not five head!
me - six head?
boy - not six head!
me - seven head?
boy - not seven head!
(Shal I cut to the chase? Somewhere after 17 head..)
me - what then,boy?
boy - two head!

Better than two-faced I suppose.

My daughter's 14th birthday tomorrow and she wouldn't even come to the door to take a card off me. So sod off world.

They didn't like my picture, the bastards!

Dear Gorgeous George

Best regards
BeautifulPeople Network

Can't see what's wrong with it myself!

Which Looney Tunes character?

You scored as Wile E. Coyote.
"H-E-L-P!" Creativity is your thing. You are your family's personal Martha Stewart. You can do anything, but sometimes those things don't work out, but that's okay. You easily find your ground and start over again. People may not understand where you're going, but you eventually help them grasp the reasons behind your...insanity.

Wile E. Coyote 83%
Yosemite Sam 67%
Taz 67%
Sylvester 67%
Tweety Bird 67%
Foghorn Leghorn 58%
Henry Hawk 58%
Petunia Pig 50%
Daffy Duck 42%
Bugs Bunny 42%
Marvin Martian 42%
Porky Pig 33%
Sylvester Jr. 33%
Elmer Fudd 25%

We've got Chester City in the cup today. Just found this picture from the Manchester Road End (Old School) on my Flickr site, while I was creating my Beautiful People Profile - HAHAHAHAHA....

The Wonderful World of 11Y

I found this piece of writing the other day. It's from my days teaching in North Warwickshire. The student who produced it was 16, and this was what he wrote in an hour's lesson. I think I kept it to make me remember why I left, because between us we weren't making much progress:

The first time I went to Wales I thought it's going to be crap just country side and stuff like that but when we got there it was just like tamworth town centre.