...end of the world as we know it.

And still the words won't come.

Religion: The Final Examination

http://www.xmarkjenkinsx.com//outside.html

Reddit at Reddit

My last blog was all I could manage at 2:30 am, especially as I could not see the keyboard in the dark.

However I am still alive and thank you for your concern.
I don't think I'm really up to stringing too many sentences together, though, so here are Messi and Maradonna head to head for anyone who can bear football. I know that's not many of you. Sorry.

Blogworld has broken down; hold your horses and we'll be back.

I appear to have broken down as well.

Much More Here:

By way of explanation.
The dark is very noisy.
I see, son.

Other random nonsense
Mah-tah-toh. (pronunciation lessons from two year old)

Steaming pistons said Gordon. (train vid dialogue)

It's a Ford. It's all I can afford. (I explain my car)

Knackered.

Me text: I'm thinking of going to Walsall tomorrow. Am I mad? Wanna come?
Son text: Hm ye Hm ye. Lol I'm Ok thanks. xx

Soon to be 17 years old, and I can't understand a "word" he's texting.
Anyway, it did not mean "yes I'll come" so he didn't.
Nevertheless I had a thoroughly good time, unable to sit down through nerves and dancing either side of a big pole (pictured) so I could see their several near misses properly. They're promoted, and this was their promotion party (snigger).

I'm stupid to care at my age, but I do.
And we won.
So did everyone else, so we aren't safe yet, but let's hear what Big Ron thinks...

Big Ron: This was massive. Massive.
[For those of you watching in black and white, the whites are playing in blue]

My avatar has changed in the night! How did that happen? I now have a picture of some of the earlies washing machines in the country: stone disks that must have rubbed the life out of the clothes. They are pictured in my dad's garden, where they've been ever since the previous occupant of the house invested in Port Sunlight at the turn of the century. Bizarrely, the guy's old documents seem to be turning up on Ebay-
ANTIQUE DEED EDENFIELD Lancashire ROSTRON CHATT WOOD 1906- guaranteed original - from the reign of KING EDWARD VII - 101 YEARS OLD

BEING THE DEED OF CONVEYANCE FOR PERPETUAL YEARLY RENT OUT OF HEREDITAMENTS AND PREMISES AT EDENFIELD NEAR RAMSBOTTOM IN THE COUNTY OF LANCASTER

BETWEEN ERNEST BELLHOUSE OF SOUTH SIDE ALTRINCHAMIN THE COUNTY OF CHESTER HENRY WORRALL OF GRIMSWORTH WHALLEY RANGE IN THE CITY OF MANCHESTER PLUS OTHERS OF THE FIRST PART EDWARD ROSTRON OF CHATTERTON HEY EDENFIELD NEAR RAMSBOTTOM OF THE SECON PART AND SIMEON CHATTWOOD OF CROWN HOUSE MARKET STREET EDENFIELD DRAPER OF THE THIRD PART
-
Six is next to me, systematically working through a book of baby names. She has done G and H and I, so she won't have got to Simeon yet.

It is 5 o'clock in the morning.

Go to bed littlun (fourteenth time)
Hair!
You can stroke this doll's hair
I want Rexy Mouse.
Lie down and think about what you'd like to do in the morning.
See Mummy.

Sigh.

Oh dear.

We are happy to have so many faithful users
Our servers are just taking a deep breath, to be available again in a few seconds.
Please try again NOW.
Go back to where you came from

That's what I need.
A deep breath.
And at least I'm still largely animate, so I can.

...of me?

Self-assessment - a selection:

English
English is one of my strongest subjects. I think I've done well during my time with Mr Morelearning; I am starting to read more and employ better words in my writing.

I know I could of done better if I had more time on it. I think I have done better in Year 8 than in all my other years at ______.
I find it hard to do my english work because of my dislexer.

Citizenship
What further improvements could be made to this module?
(if any)
It would be better if we had longer in the module

Areas covered in this module that impact on me:
The women fighting for the vote really shocked me.

What further improvements could be made to this module?
(if any)
It would be better if I came early to the lesson. And put more effort in my work.

Areas covered in this module that impact on me: Nothing.

Attempting a quick blog while wee 'un decides whether or not it's dark enough to go to sleep.
[Presently it's looking like a long shot: "Cuddle! Hair!"]

Recently Six mentioned that she's become detached from any David Gray music to which she'd previously had access. This seemed to be a bad thing, somehow.

Anyway I took advantage of the sunny weather this afternoon to dig out some books and cds and tapes and stuff that have been living in the greenhouse since I arrived in September.

And I came across a copy of the David Gray collection "Lost Songs."

It was, of course, empty.

Oh how we laughed at the irony.
Hope you've all had a swell day.

Open to all, but a special treat for all those at work on this beautiful sunny day

The highly historical house we stayed in last weekend had a selection of grimacingly garish enhancements to its fine features.

All you have to do is, using your skill and judgement, rank them according to cringeworthiness. If your judgement matches that of our panel of experts you could win the top prize (see below).

This competition is not open to owners of Bed and Breakfast accomodation on the Halifax area, their families, friends, or Christopher Biggins.

Item A: The deer in the breakfast room

Item B: The table in the room, complete with a variety of dolls and bears and a sheep with legs made out of string.

Item C: The breakfast room ceiling, complete with chandelier and a series of 20th century fighter planes.

Item D: A military helmet, possibly Roman, complete with big fluffy top, standing (obviously) on the breakfast room floor.

Item E: Some petals. Stuck to the wall of the bedroom. Further words are, surely, inadequate.

Item F: Atop the toilet, a brown bear. Atop that, a framed case containing lots of miniature towels and miniature toilet rolls.

Item G: The breakfast table, with square plates and marmalade that went out of date last year.

Item H: A picture of a catfish on a fork.

Item I: A terrible lifesize parody of a crib scene, using fluffy animals and twigs, which (luckily for you) was too dark and spooky to photo.

Item J: A pot of plastic strawberries on the window ledge

Item K: A four poster bed that creaked if you breathed.

Item L: Any of the lampshades, all of which had butterflies stuck to them just to irritate you beyond measure.

Post your top three and you could win a link to the house itself, where the lovely Linda will show you the rest of her chintz look after your every need.

[ Editor's note - don't press enter before you've written anything, or you'll have a blank post - a situation I am remedying now]

Ever left your mobile in a pub?

If you do, you know you aren't getting it back.

Especially if you then drive through rush hour traffic to the heart of the evil Walmart empire Asda for a few bits fer yer tea before you realise.

Because you're then going to have to rush back through rush hour traffic, probably muttering "shit, shit, shit" under your breath until you reach the Old Horse.

Where the phone will still be lying on the seat under your discarded newspaper.

And in tenuously related news, when I was about 13 I bought a copy of the Genesis album Foxtrot from Disc and Tape Exchange in Bury.

(Blimey! Are you STILL reading?)

It was a mispressing, with the same songs on both sides. I was hoping that one day it'd be worth a fortune, but sadly this seems not to be the case. And then it went to the place where LPs go when they leave you, wherever that is. And I never found out what the other side was like.

(Blimey! Still there?)

Anyway, I've bought it again. Interactive bit coming: did I...

a) Buy the new 30th anniversary CD Remastered version for 20 quid from Amazon?

b) Buy the old 1972 cassette version for 20p in Oxfam?

I guess what I'm trying to say is:

When you lose your posh mobile in the pub and then find it again, even Genesis sound good.

There is a possibility that, in some strange unknown parallel universe, this isn't feckin side-splittin'ly hilarious.

If that's where you live, you have my sympathy.

When I was 17 I spent 10 bob putting this on "repeat" on the Horse and Jockey jukebox. I was an angry young man wanker.
Top marks for this though - it's excellent.

I love this man. Call me childish if you will. There is so much pain and suffering in the world it can sometimes be oppressive. But there is also Otway

Debauched.
Undeneath a duvet, eating a creme egg, watching Alan Partridge.

Underneath our clothes we're all naked, Alan.
No I'm not.

I know some of you are back at work, and believe me you have my full sympathy and respect. Snigger.

So, random bits of nonsense:
My Auntie Winnie reached a 100 on April 4th. She doesn't know much about anything, but she's got her telegram. She's me mother's auntie really. Over the years my mother spent lots of time looking after her, visiting her, tending to her needs - but she didn't share in the celebrations on account of dying early last year.

That was just one random bit of nonsense.
Sorry, can't be bothered with anymore.
So if you fancy a ton up yourself then I'd recommend one of the toys from the House of Chintz.

I give you:
the legendary Moto Bum motorcycle.

Easter Sunday - the day I have been anticipating with a heady mixture of dread and dread - is here.
We have vacated Chintzville, Halifax, in an unseemly hurry (well, a bit of a rush) and made it to the Church (just) on time.

[Yes. I spent Easter Sunday morning in church. Later, in the pub, the shortarse manager was having a conversation with the bloke in front of me at the FoodPayPoint.

Actually, no. I'm as handy as anyone with the soppy cutekids stuff -you have been warned - but why does everything have to be about the flickin' kids these days? It's about Jesus, really, isn't it?]

I digress.

While attempting to scurry into a back pew as the final strains of the opening hymn fade away, we are spotted by my father. He ushers(!) us to the very front of the church where we are invited to stand in solidarity with the rest of the family: brother, cousin, partners, children. The occasion is significant as my brother is having a huge family gathering in my dad's house afterwards, to which my former partner and the kids are invited and me n Six aren't. At some time in the afternon he will speak to my kids and attempt to win them round. This, meanwhile, has all the tension of a family gathering but its been moved to a church for added spice.

Littlun excels himself behaviour-wise, to the point where after communion I relax enough to engage him in conversation not of the "don't do that" variety.

"Did you see that man's big organ?" I ask, in all innocence.

I then spent ten minutes in silent prayer. I couldn't look at Six, but I think she was deep in thought too.

If you thought you saw the sides of the pew shaking with laughter, it was just a trick of the light.

Hello blog friends. Long time no see. Must catch up later.

We are in Halifax. Do you remember Ikea's campaign (from some years back) to get us to chuck out our chintz? Well this is the house everybody chucked it to.

We're on the internet thanks to Sexy Sixey's photographic memory - she had a quick glance at our hosts BT internet hub, memorised the network key and scribbled it down on a piece of paper when she got upstairs.

She is currently resting a mini Cadbury's Creme Egg on her pregnant belly and waiting for the baby to kick. Whichever way the egg rolls determines who gets it. And I was worried there might not be enough to do in Halifax!

Huge chunks of bloggable stuff that will have to wait.

In the meantime, here's a quick snap of (from left to right) a cat, a lamb and a dog round the hearth of The Tan Hill Inn about 5pm on Wednesday. Sorry about the poor quality, my hand moved with astonishment.

We hope you are somewhere warm and welcoming this Easter.

ConstanceElmer [Visitor]
http://yacht.culiout.info/yacht-octopus
31/03/07 @ 11:53
wwwmorelearningorguk Lifestyle Management
A drop hollows out a stone

Best Regas, Henrietta
Bugger off, Henrietta.
I do not need an octopus hand puppet (I'd have to use both hands) or one of these:

Glow-in-the-dark Jellyfish
List Price: $5.95
Sale Price: $3.95
This eerie jellyfish floats in the water and glows in the dark. Looks just like the real thing!

Did you realise that spaghetti grows on trees?

(Checks watch)

My mum and dad's wedding anniversary today.

Explains a lot.